Guilt

Have you ever been really angry or mad at yourself for something that's not really your fault, but you can't shake the feeling that it is?

Have you ever sat alone, crying, shaking, wanting it all to end?

You try to calm yourself down, but the thoughts keep engulfing your mind. 

What should I have done?

What should I have not done?

Why can't I be better?

You try pushing them out, but they come back twice as strong.

You don't know what to do with all this anger, this fear.

What should I do with it?

You want to punish yourself so badly, you want to run away and never come back.

But you know you can't, but you can't and that's what scares you the worst.

You ask questions to God, and hear no response. 

WHERE ARE YOU?

WHY AREN'T YOU HERE?

WHY CAN'T I BE PERFECT?

The shaking and the crying just won't stop. Tears pouring down your face as you stare face first into the guilt of it all. Its engulfing you, your sinking. Your crying out for help, but you know there's no one. 

Its all your fault. Its all YOUR fault.

You can't run, and you can't hide. 

So you stare face first into the guilt.

Will it help? Maybe.

But probably not.

Author guidance for This exercise

.......As I've gone on with this, I've realized this as a section of my journal. I don't really understand WHY I do this......but I do and it makes me feel better.

This is real. This is day to day. This is what I'm dealing with each day. This isn't fake, or made up. This is real life.

updated Apr 10 by RosalynLivna