Thinking back, there was a time when Bob didn't know everything.

It may be difficult to think that far back, but if you think hard... really hard... and dig and scrape around in the nigh-infinite vessel that is Bob's brain, you'll find a time where things didn't come to him quite so easily. They required more than just the flick of the wrist; more than a brief afterthought upon the consumption of a particularly memorable dessert; more than the imprint of a memory triggered by the taste of precisely that rather excellent year's cognac.

There was a time, yes, that Bob actually had to try to give an accurate answer. You know, make an effort.

Unfortunately, those times have long since passed.

Today, Bob stands before you, prepared in every possible way to give you the answer you so desire. All you need do is ask, and ye shall receive. There's no guarantee that the answer you get will be the answer you expected, or the answer you deserved, but it will be the correct answer. Always.

Of course, it needs to be a good question. Bob wouldn't deign to answer anything else. "And what constitutes a good question," you ask? Well, now. That's a question in itself, isn't it?

While any question, as stupid or vacuous as it may sound, is valid, the answer you receive may defy you to reconsider the question. Fortunately, Bob has a lot of time on his hands, and is always up for a challenge. You may have to pour him another cognac if the question requires some thought, mind you.

So, ask away. Bob's here with the solution to your quandary, 24/7.

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Author guidance for This story

In honour of Protagonize's 2nd birthday, and our new writing form, I thought I'd post this. I'm sure a few of you noticed that this is the text that I had as demo copy in the form screenshots I posted here and there. Sneaky, I am. :)

As to the story itself — it's a question and answer session with our protagonist, Bob.

Bob is an inscrutable man of indeterminate age, but the logical assumption would be that he's well into middle age (45-55 or so.) He's independently wealthy, a connaisseur of fine cognac, and has a penchant for luxury and the company of younger women. He also drives a Bugatti Veyron, but also has a Maserati in his spacious garage for times he decides to "rough it". I'm not sure where he lives, but it's somewhere expensive, exclusive, and private. That's pretty much it.

Each new branch should be a (hopefully interesting or funny) question, followed up by an answer to that question. Answers should attempt to be pithy and witty, and provide some sort of closure to the question at hand. The narrator (unnamed) may also chime in if required.

Anyone can feel free to join in.

Cheers, and a hearty happy birthday to the site.
-nick

updated Jan 6 '10 by nickb